The Urban Dictionary For NFL Coaches
While doing research for a new post tonight I stumbled upon this post from 2009 and realized that nothing I could write tonight would be as good as this…I hope you enjoy this repost.
If it’s on the Internet it must be true, right? Sometimes I enjoy searching the Urban Dictionary for fun definitions, a Cincinatti Traffic Jam is still one of my favorites. So I decided to search the UD for the definitions of all 32 NFL head coaches. The results of what I found are below, you have the definitions, along with the proper use of each coaches name in a sentence. Feel free to incorporate the lingo in your day to day vocabulary. I mean, I spend every Sunday trying to not end up Sean Paytoning myself!
Tom Coughlan - a code word for a girl’s period.
My girls been giving me a ration of s*&# all day, she must be on her Tom Couglan.
Andy Reid - Fat, overweight, or obese
Rick’s dropped 30 pounds and he’s still Andy Reid.
Wade Phillips - slang term for marijuana meaning “weed”.
They say 70% of the NBA tests positive for Wade Phillips.
Jim Zorn - A slang term used to discreetly refer to a man’s erection.
I’ve got to sit here at my desk for a minute or two, I had a Jim Zorn pop up on me.
Brad Childress - One that is in sync with his/her “bitches and hoes”
I’ve totally got my Brad Childress working with Halle Berry & Jennifer Anniston.
Lovie Smith - A person who does not leave and does not understand the word no.
Megan Fox has told Fatpickle to get lost a thousand times, but he’s still Lovie Smithing her.
Mike McCarthy - to fail, screw up or mess up
I can’t believe we found a way to Mike McCarthy this game up.
Jim Schwartz - Anyone who has the knack for working on any project and making it turn out like crap.
Did you see the proposal Rich did for the meeting? He totally Jim Schwartz’d it.
Sean Payton - excess alcohol consumption, resulting in shitting of the pants.
Had to throw away my boxers last night, that last lemon drop made me Sean Payton.
Mike Smith - Loser with a hairy ass and nice titties and a small penis.
Rush Limbaugh is Mike Smith.
John Fox - a person who uses the services of a prostitute
I’m going to log onto to Craig’s list and see if I can get my John Fox on.
Raheem Morris - To simultaneously sneeze and s*&#.
Ahh, ahh, ahh, chooo. Oh no! I Raheem Morris’d!
Mike Singletary - To take a s*&# on somebody’s forehead and wake them up quickly.
Common Johnny wake up! The fish are biting! If you’re not up in 5 minutes I’m going to Mike Singletary you.
Ken Whisenhunt - Barbie’s plastic bitch.
Derek can’t do anything anymore; his girl treats him like Ken Whisenhunt.
Jim Mora - To take a talented and winning core of players and coach them into a miserable season.
Who does this Norv Turner think he is…Jim Mora?
Steve Spagnolo - A visible thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts
Look at that smoking hot girl right there, I see a red Steve Spagnolo peeking out.
Rex Ryan - A man with an 11 incher who picks up a lot of milfs at the library.
Eric tapped another hot milf last night, the guys becoming a regular Rex Ryan!
Bill Belichick - Cheater, Fraud, Led the New England Patriots to 3 Tainted Super Bowl Championships.
Mr. Snyder I’ve found the answer to turn things around, the answer is cheating…and we need Bill Belichick as an “extra set of eyes.”
Tony Sparano - a great man, a horny bastard though
I hope on my tombstone it reads “here lays Tony Sparano”
Dick Jauron - An adjective to describe a guy who is a jerk or does mean and stupid things.
Dan Snyder has run this franchise into the ground by being a total Dick Jauron.
Marvin Lewis - The act of dick slapping or hitting a woman with your penis.
Do you think Obama’s gives the first lady a Marvin Lewis?
John Harbaugh - Randomly adding people on facebook that you have never met in real life, especially girls that write on your friend’s walls.
I don’t know who this freak is trying to be friend me on Facebook, do you know John Harbaugh?
Mike Tomlin - To do a Tomlin involves the individual concerned struggling with his or her latent longing for sex with their own gender to such an extent that a mental breakdown occurs.
Do you recall 2 seasons ago when T.O. had that Mike Tomlin?
Eric Mangini – a camel toe
Look at the hot chick in the spandex…can you say Eric Mangini?
Jim Caldwell - to describe yourself or someone with a large penis.
Looks like that Visanthe Shiancoe is smuggling a Jim Caldwell.
Jack Del Rio - To masturbate
I don’t know about you, but I can’t function on my day off till I Jack Del Rio.
Gary Kubiak – An a-hole.
You know Rick from accounting is a total Gary Kubiak.
Jeff Fisher - The art of burping and farting at the same time.
I love the chili from Ben’s Chili Bowl, but it always gives me the Jeff Fishers.
Josh Mcdaniels - Getting a hand job.
Well..honey, can I at least get a Josh McDaniels?
Norv Turner - Used to describe the pinnacle of dysfunctional head coaching abilities conversationally
Dan Snyder hired Zorn because he thought he was the next Norv Turner.
Tom Cable - To take a shit
Call the plumber, I just laid a Tom Cable that won’t go down.
Todd Haley – The wet spot in a bed.
Let’s do it over here, I don’t want to sleep on the Todd Haley all night.
Cheer and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Categories: NFL
Tags: head coaches, urban dictionary
The Urban Dictionary For NFL Coaches
If it’s on the Internet it must be true, right? Sometimes I enjoy searching the Urban Dictionary for fun definitions, a Cincinatti Traffic Jam is still one of my favorites. So I decided to search the UD for the definitions of all 32 NFL head coaches. The results of what I found are below, you have the definitions, along with the proper use of each coaches name in a sentence. Feel free to incorporate the lingo in your day to day vocabulary. I mean, I spend every Sunday trying to not end up Sean Paytoning myself!
Tom Coughlan - a code word for a girl’s period.
My girls been giving me a ration of s*&# all day, she must be on her Tom Couglan.
Andy Reid - Fat, overweight, or obese
Rick’s dropped 30 pounds and he’s still Andy Reid.
Wade Phillips - slang term for marijuana meaning “weed”.
They say 70% of the NBA tests positive for Wade Phillips.
Jim Zorn - A slang term used to discreetly refer to a man’s erection.
I’ve got to sit here at my desk for a minute or two, I had a Jim Zorn pop up on me.
Brad Childress - One that is in sync with his/her “bitches and hoes”
I’ve totally got my Brad Childress working with Halle Berry & Jennifer Anniston.
Lovie Smith - A person who does not leave and does not understand the word no.
Megan Fox has told Fatpickle to get lost a thousand times, but he’s still Lovie Smithing her.
Mike McCarthy - to fail, screw up or mess up
I can’t believe we found a way to Mike McCarthy this game up.
Jim Schwartz - Anyone who has the knack for working on any project and making it turn out like crap.
Did you see the proposal Rich did for the meeting? He totally Jim Schwartz’d it.
Sean Payton - excess alcohol consumption, resulting in shitting of the pants.
Had to throw away my boxers last night, that last lemon drop made me Sean Payton.
Mike Smith - Loser with a hairy ass and nice titties and a small penis.
Rush Limbaugh is Mike Smith.
John Fox - a person who uses the services of a prostitute
I’m going to log onto to Craig’s list and see if I can get my John Fox on.
Raheem Morris - To simultaneously sneeze and s*&#.
Ahh, ahh, ahh, chooo. Oh no! I Raheem Morris’d!
Mike Singletary - To take a s*&# on somebody’s forehead and wake them up quickly.
Common Johnny wake up! The fish are biting! If you’re not up in 5 minutes I’m going to Mike Singletary you.
Ken Whisenhunt - Barbie’s plastic bitch.
Derek can’t do anything anymore; his girl treats him like Ken Whisenhunt.
Jim Mora - To take a talented and winning core of players and coach them into a miserable season.
Who does this Norv Turner think he is…Jim Mora?
Steve Spagnolo - A visible thong on a woman above her jeans/shorts
Look at that smoking hot girl right there, I see a red Steve Spagnolo peeking out.
Rex Ryan - A man with an 11 incher who picks up a lot of milfs at the library.
Eric tapped another hot milf last night, the guys becoming a regular Rex Ryan!
Bill Belichick - Cheater, Fraud, Led the New England Patriots to 3 Tainted Super Bowl Championships.
Mr. Snyder I’ve found the answer to turn things around, the answer is cheating…and we need Bill Belichick as an “extra set of eyes.”
Tony Sparano - a great man, a horny bastard though
I hope on my tombstone it reads “here lays Tony Sparano”
Dick Jauron - An adjective to describe a guy who is a jerk or does mean and stupid things.
Dan Snyder has run this franchise into the ground by being a total Dick Jauron.
Marvin Lewis - The act of dick slapping or hitting a woman with your penis.
Do you think Obama’s gives the first lady a Marvin Lewis?
John Harbaugh - Randomly adding people on facebook that you have never met in real life, especially girls that write on your friend’s walls.
I don’t know who this freak is trying to be friend me on Facebook, do you know John Harbaugh?
Mike Tomlin - To do a Tomlin involves the individual concerned struggling with his or her latent longing for sex with their own gender to such an extent that a mental breakdown occurs.
Do you recall 2 seasons ago when T.O. had that Mike Tomlin?
Eric Mangini – a camel toe
Look at the hot chick in the spandex…can you say Eric Mangini?
Jim Caldwell - to describe yourself or someone with a large penis.
Looks like that Visanthe Shiancoe is smuggling a Jim Caldwell.
Jack Del Rio - To masturbate
I don’t know about you, but I can’t function on my day off till I Jack Del Rio.
Gary Kubiak – An a-hole.
You know Rick from accounting is a total Gary Kubiak.
Jeff Fisher - The art of burping and farting at the same time.
I love the chili from Ben’s Chili Bowl, but it always gives me the Jeff Fishers.
Josh Mcdaniels - Getting a hand job.
Well..honey, can I at least get a Josh McDaniels?
Norv Turner - Used to describe the pinnacle of dysfunctional head coaching abilities conversationally
Dan Snyder hired Zorn because he thought he was the next Norv Turner.
Tom Cable - To take a shit
Call the plumber, I just laid a Tom Cable that won’t go down.
Todd Haley – The wet spot in a bed.
Let’s do it over here, I don’t want to sleep on the Todd Haley all night.
Cheer and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Categories: NFL
Tags: head coaches, NFL, urban dictionary
Super Bowl Coaches R Us
With the firing of Jon Gruden today and the retirement of Tony Dungy this week, there are now 16 living coaches with Super Bowl rings.
Welcome to my new EBay Store, Super Bowl Coaches R Us. Come on in, we are overstocked. Please check out our many departments, as we have many selections to fit your needs. You may choose from the vintage, bargain bin, and new arrival sections.
Bargain Bin
Barry Switzer - Buy Him Now $1.99 - I’ll throw in free shipping on this model. I’m sure he’d love to coach again but I’m not sure there would be any takers on a booze swigging coach who
specializes in the the option.
George Seifert - Buy Him Now $99.99 - He may suck as a coach, but if you purchase George, I promise he will sing the Bossanova any time you want… The dance of love.
Vintage
Joe Gibbs - Out Of Stock - We tried re-releasing this model a few years back, after mixed results we put the mold back in the vault. There is a spin off model available at our NASCAR shop.
Mike Ditka - Out Of Stock - I’d love to be able to offer up Iron Mike, but it’s amazing how trading away your entire draft for Ricky Williams takes away your credibility. Or maybe it was this?
John Madden - Out Of Stock - He makes millions announcing, millions doing commercials, and mega millions on video games. That makes him the smartest coach ever. He could probably buy the NFL or EBay.
Don Shula - Out Of Stock - He’s the winningest coach ever and he makes a mean steak sandwich.
We have a better chance of seeing him in another Ace Ventura movie than on an NFL sideline.
Jimmy Johnson - Out Of Stock - I’d love to think Jimmy would take on more shot at it, in fact I thought the Danny would have made a run at him by now. Unfortunately, unless he can coach while knocking back a couple Heinekens and eating Nachos, no deal!
Dick Vermeil - Out Of Stock - Do you want a little cheese with that wine? You might get him to come in and interview, but in the end he’ll decide to stay retired, and everyone can have a good cry about it.
Bill Parcels - Buy Him Now $25 million - Yep, this oldy but goody is always looking for another dance partner. And it doesn’t matter is he’s under contract somewhere else, the Tuna is always ready to jump ship. He’s easier than Paris Hilton on a Vegas trip.
New Arrivals
Bill Cowher - Buy Him Now $50 million - When he decides to coach again, he will become the highest paid coach ever. Will he be worth it…all sales are final.
Brian Billick - Buy Him Now $15 million Or Best Offer - I cannot stand to watch another game with him as a commentator. Make an offer, I’ll listen.
Mike Holmgren - Buy Him Now $20 million - “Retired” to open a book store. Unless that store is full of West Coast playbooks, he’ll be back soon. Comes with an unlimited supply of Starbucks coffee.
Mike Shanahan - Buy Him Now $30 million - He’s a steal since Pat Bowlen will be picking up part of his tab. Let old “wooden teeth” coach and keep him away from drafting defensive players.
Tony Dungy - Out Of Stock - I’m sure a lot of teams will talk to him, but I truly believe he’s done. I don’t think any amount of money will make a difference.
John Gruden - Buy Him Now $25 million - The Bucs trades 2 #1 and 2 #2 draft picks along with 8 million for him. You think they should have shopped him a little before firing him with $17 million left on his contract? Another steal as the Glazers give you a discount.
I guess the point is there are some awesome coaches available. They have great resumes, that’s for sure. But you know what? At one point all these guys were no named assistants looking for their first break. Madden, Gibbs, Cowher, Dungy, on and on. So who knows what the right choice is?
Even if these guys never coach again, they have made millions and have had great careers. No need crying over them…well you can cry with Vermeil.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Friday, January 16, 2009
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: head coaches, NFL, super bowl
Top 10 Interview Meltdowns
I love a classic head coaches post game interview meltdown. Both Singletary and Zorn has some minor flare-ups this weekend, and it got me thinking. What is the greatest interview meltdown ever? Well first off, what constitutes a meltdown? Usually it takes a poor performance by the coaches team, a pissed off coach, a stupid question by a reporter, and a few F-bombs. So, I have compiled my top 10 meltdowns. This is a coaches only category, no athletes, Gm’s, or owners.
Warning - some of the links contain angry middle-aged men dropping f-bombs, it’s funny stuff but turn your speakers down if your at work!
#10 Kevin Borseth - He addressed the media after addressing the Michigan Women’s B-ball team. I was scared watching him in the interview, I can’t imagine how the girls felt.
#9 Bob Knight - He has given us so much material it’s impossible to pick just one. Here he is explaining his favorite word.
#8 Mike Gundy - His intentions start out good, trying to defend one of his players. Somewhere in the interview he turned into Gny. Sgt. Hartman.
#7 Dennis Green - Maybe it’s wrong, but every time I watch this I think of Gary Coleman getting angry.
#6 Tommy Lasorda - Another guy who can fill up an hour of your time on youtube. The word that got Crash Davis thrown out of the game in Bull Durham is very prevalent here.
#5 Earl Weaver - My favorite manager of all time. Whether this was scripted, a practical joke, or real, it’s funny. Alice Sweet where are you?
#4 John Chaney - This one features Chaney going into another coaches interview and threatens to kill him. We’re covering new ground here.
#3 Jim Mora - From the man that brought you “diddly poo”. One of the most imitated interviews “playoffs?”. Do you like random triangles on your shirts?
#2 Hal Mcrae - Once again we are breaking new ground here, drawing blood. Check out Hal in his long johns and the reporter walking out of the office with blood dripping from his cheek. “Now put that in your pipe and smoke it”.
#1 Lee Elia - The mother of all breakdowns. He doesn’t bitch about the media or the team, but the fans! Less than a month into the season he delivered this doozy. It was so good he was invited back to Chicago last year for a reunion. “85% of the world is working, the other 15% come out here”.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: earl weaver, head coaches, meltdowns, top 10, zorn
Judging Mike Singletary
I know it’s only one game, way too early to form an opinion of Mike Singletary’s head coaching abilities. Remember what all of us Redskin’s fans thought about Zorn after the Giants game? But, I saw a few things today that really soured me on Mike. I blogged just a few days ago about how I thought Singletary would make a great coach, and would light a fire under the 49er’s. After watching his antics today, I think he might be taking this “light a fire” stuff too far. Here are the things that I saw while watching the game today that bothered me.
Down 13-3 with :31 seconds left in the first half, the 49ers had the ball on the Seattle 29 yard line, facing a 4th and 4. The 49er’s called timeout. During this timeout the cameras focused on Singletary, his Offensive Coordinator Mike Martz, and his QB JT O’Sullivan. Singletary asked Martz, “what do you want to do?”. Martz said “go for it”. Without hesitation, Singletary went with Martz’s recommendation. Mind you, a FG brings you within a touchdown to start the third quarter. On the ensuing play, O’Sullivan threw an interception that was returned 75 yds for a TD. On the interception TD return, Vernon Davis almost tackled the defender after sprinting his ass off for 80 yards! Keep this in mind for part 2.
After a silly penalty in the 4th quarter by Davis, Singletary pulls him out of the game. OK, good move. Singletary then follows this up by escorting Davis to the bench and directs him to sit down like he is a 5 year old in time out. This was not enough however, as a few minutes later Singletary directed Davis to the locker room. This was still not enough. Singletary decided to call out his TE in the post game press conference. And for the record, I am no fan of Davis.
Look, I’m all for making your mark on the team. I’m all for dressing down a player (who probably is a distraction). I’m all for making an example of somebody. But do not do it in the media, or in front of 50,000 people in the stands, or on national TV.
Mike, your a hard ass, we know this. It’s why you were voted to the Pro Bowl 10 times. It’s what made you a Hall of Famer. But don’t make your mark this way. I’m pretty sure that the 10 years that you spent being a motivational speaker never involved a speech about degrading a man in public.
I hope Singletary turns around the 49er’s, and I hope he leaves his door open when his players want to speak to him.
Cheers and Hail
Posted by fatpickle Date: Sunday, October 26, 2008
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: head coaches, singletary, zorn
Talk Soup is Cancelled
Mike Nolan was fired Monday as head coach of the San Fransisco 49ers. Nolan served as Defensive coordinator of the Washington Redskins from 1997-1999. It was during this time that Porkboy and Fatpickle tagged Nolan with the nickname Talk Soup. We thought he bore a tremendous resemblance to the original host of Talk Soup, Greg Kinear. I still enjoy playing the “he looks like someone famous game”, its always fun. But lets focus on another NFL firing. Until the past couple of weeks I have never liked the idea of firing a NFL coach in the middle of the season. Although the NFL season is long in the sense of time, there is only 16 regular season games. It seems crazy to fire a coach a quarter of the way thru the season. Especially when a head coach has put his system in place, gone thru OTA’s, training camp, and preseason. It seems as though things have to be dire straights, or severe rock bottom to make such a move. But, the Rams are 2-0 with wins on the road against the Skins and Cowboys, since firing Scott Linehan. Even the Raiders came up with a spirited win this weekend against the Jets, making the cable guy 1-1.
Which brings me to the hiring of Mike Singletary. I love this move! I know Singletary has never been a coordinator, but he is a leader. If intensity and motivation are what the 49er’s are looking for, he will bring it. Singletary has interviewed several times for coaching vacancies, and was always passed over. I hope indeed that he was a serious candidate for these positions, that he was not just brought in as a product of the Rooney rule.
Singletary now has 9 games to show the 49er’s that he should be the head coach, and I think he succeeds. He’s playing in a weak division, and he has good coaches in place. All he needs to do is light a fire, and I think he can do that with his stare alone. The 49er’s have a bye and 3 divisional games in the next month. Seattle and St. Louis at home, and Arizona on the road. If they do well over the next 4 weeks, they are right back in the division hunt.
We still have 2 more firings that could happen before season’s end. Rod Marinelli in Detroit, and Marvin Lewis in Cincinnati. Marinelli is most likely to go, his team is pitiful and the new GM will probably want to choose another head coach. Lewis should be fired with the Bengals bye week coming up. However, Mike Brown is a notorious tight wad, and probably can’t handle paying Lewis to sit at home for the rest of the season.
One things for sure, with all the openings that are going to be available for head coaching positions in the NFL this year, it’s time to get Russ Grimm a job. He too has been passed over many times, and has the knock of never being a coordinator. But he is a Super Bowl Champion and a Hall of Fame caliber player. He will be a successful head coach if given the chance.
Cheers and Hail!
Posted by fatpickle Date: Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Categories: Fatpickled, NFL
Tags: firings, head coaches, hogs, NFL, singletary
