Posts Tagged ‘funny danny’

All-Time Worst Redskins Final Roster With Commentary By Danny Rouhier

The comments about each player and coach were provided by comedian and 106.7 radio personality Danny Rouhier. Thanks Danny.

The leader of our band of misfits...The Old Ball Coach!

Which Redskins players are the greatest to ever wear the burgundy and gold? That’s a very good question and one that comes up in bars, man-caves and tailgate parties on a regular basis throughout the DMV area. Many a friendly argument has been debated over a few cold beers as to exactly which players deserve to labeled as the best to ever suit up for the Redskins.

Which Redskins players are the worst to ever wear the burgundy and gold? That’s a question that may not be asked as much as who the greatest players are, yet it’s a topic that brings out just as much passion and strong opinions. It’s also a label I doubt any player who’s played the game aspires to have.

In a joint venture between Fatpickled.com and HogsHaven.com we decided to settle this argument once and for all. We’ve compiled a full roster for both the All-Time Greatest and All-Time Worst Redskins squads. Nominations were drafted and nearly 15,000 votes were compiled in our selection process. Each position had a minimum of 5 players to choose from and players from each era were recognized. The Redskins have been playing for 9 decades now, with over 1,300 different players appearing in regular season games. The following players are the All-Time Greatest and Worst.

All-Time Worst

Head Coach: Steve Spurrier – Hard to pick a winner here. Terry Robiskie told us all he was doing what Snyder wanted, Richie Petitbon was 4-12 and over matched, and the Zorn era was an absolute embarrassment for everyone involved. How about Mike Nixon back in the day? 4-18 record in 2 years. Or maybe Bill McPeak? Never finished .500 in 5 years with 1-12 & 3-11 seasons to his credit. But yeah… Spurrier stunk.

Offense

QB: Heath Schuler–Told myself if I ever saw him in person, I’d scream at him until I got dragged away. Saw him at a bar when he was Congressman Shuler… I didn’t do anything. Biggest regret of my life.

RB: TJ Duckett – The softest and easiest to tackle large RB in the history of anything.

RB: Larry Johnson– He didn’t get arrested once when he was here. So that’s a thing.

WR: Brandon Lloyd – If there was any justice, he’d be banned from football & write handwritten notes of apology to all of us with $5 in each envelope.

WR: Desmond Howard – Was he worse than Albert Connell who stole stuff from his teammates? Worse than Malcolm Kelly, Devin Thomas, or Taylor Jacobs? God we’ve had some bad receivers.

TE: Stephen Alexander - (write in vote) Not because he was a terrible player (decent career) it’s because of that year where he sprained his ankle and missed the entire season… he sprained his ankle AND MISSED THE ENTIRE SEASON.

OL: Andre Johnson – Possibly in the running for worst 1st round pick of all time.

OL: Stephen Heyer – How does someone so bad keep getting chances? He hated blocking.

OL: Chad Rinehart – Chazz Rhinehold wants the meatloaf.

OL: Shar Pourdanesh – I read so many articles about how good that guy was gonna be. I want my life back.

OL: Levi Jones – There have to be worse guys than this right? He was just some guy in the parking lot they threw a uniform on because of poor roster management. I don’t blame him for being Levi Jones. What about Brenden Stai or David Loverne? Larry Moore or Brad Badger? Whatever, I just threw up.

Defense

CB: Deion Sanders – dick.

CB: Tory Nixon – I blocked him out. Totally forgot about him until I saw this list. Thanks a lot.

S: Adam Archuleta – The worst thing ever. You know what the worst part was? EVERYONE knew it was a terrible idea before he came. No one went: ‘nice!’ F that guy forever.

S: Ifeanyi Ohalete – Worse than Stanley Richard or David Terrell? I also wanna say again how much Archuleta sucked.

LB: Jeremiah Trotter– Know why I hate him? He begged to go back to philly. Not cool.

LB: Michael Barrow – Did he ever play for us? I don’t think he did. This could be so many dudes.

LB: Warrick Holdman – no argument there

DE: Jason Taylor – I root for him to fail at everything.

DE: Mat Mendenhall – He got me a decent rate on a tractor. Nice guy.

DT: Albert Haynesworth – I’m not going to do a fat joke. I am going to say that he’s an awful person and is a perfect encapsulation of Dan Snyder’s ownership tenure.

DT: Dana Stubblefield – He was so good, I mean SO GOOD, at running over and touching a guy right after he was tackled to try and get that half tackle. An artist.

Special Teams

K: John Aveni – How can you choose 1? Where’s Max Zendejas or Suisham or the fat guy that kicked for 2 games during Spurrier, Tuthill?

P: Ed Bunn – I’m a Durant Brooksguy but I’m cool with this because Bunn was a 3rd rounder. Yuck.

KR: Desmond Howard – Superbowl TD… just not for the Redskins.

PR: Antwaan Randle EL– The Fair Catch: The Antwaan Randle El Story

Cheers and Hail

Funny Danny Week 1 Video

Comedian and 106.7 The Fan radio personality Danny Rouhier is back with his funny Redskins videos. This weeks video features Chris & Christy Cooley in cameo roles and Dallas eating shit burgers on the team plane ride home, courtesy of the Washington Redskins. Enjoy!

Cheers and Hail

24 Hours At The Danny’s

Comedian and blog friend Danny Rouhier contributed to this post. Check him out at funnydanny.com

picture via Hogs Haven

There is one sure fire way to know if Jerry Gray officially interviewed to be the head coach of the Redskins…did he spend the night at Dan Snyder’s mansion? Seriously, WTF is up with the sleepover interviews at the Danny’s? What other job in the world do you not only wear a suit to the interview but you also bring your pajamas? I’m not making this up…it’s well documented.

So this has to make one wonder…what goes on in that 24 hour period at Danny’s house? Luckily, I was a fly on the wall during the Shanahan interview and I’m here to report my findings. Here’s a timeline breakdown of what went down.

5pm-6pm The Interview

What interview? Shanahan was hired months ago. So…Dan, Shanny and the man Shanny HIRED…Bruce Allen, spend this time playing the hand slap game, paper/rock/scissors and Call of Duty.

6pm-7pm Dinner

The boys have worked up quite the hunger from all the games so Dan and Shanny dispatch Bruce to get some Johnnie Rockets burgers.

7pm-9pm Film Breakdown

It’s time to start evaluating talent, so Bruce, Dan and Shanny sit down to watch highlights of last years Golden Globes and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year. Bruce and Shanny butt heads over the use of Ryan Seacrest, Bruce wants more while Shanny wants less. Dan tells Bruce that Shanny has final say…Seacrest OUT!

10pm-11pm Special Guests

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes stop by for a visit. Bruce was a big fan of Dawson’s Creek, so Katie entertains him by acting out old scenes. Tom, Dan and Shanny retreat to the basement for some clay table processing. Kenny Loggins stops by just to sing “Highway to the Danger Zone” for effect.

12am-1am Racquetball

Needing a 4th for a mini round robin tournament, Dan calls “consultant” Vinny Cerrato over to play. So…Vinny walks over to the main house from his apartment over Dan’s garage. Before match play begins Vinny dispenses the one and only piece of valuable “consulting” information he has learned in 10 years on the job…let the boss win.

1am-2am Massage

After calling several classified adds in the City Paper Bruce finds a couple of nice medical students (a blonde and an Italian) to come over and give Dan and Shanny well deserved massages. Bruce advises them to ask for the full service.

2am-4am Bonding

Bruce and Vinny have retreated to the garage apartment and it’s time for the new BFF’s to bond. Shanny originally wanted to go to bed but Dan reminded him that Gibbs worked till 4am. Shanny was pissed so he tea-bagged Danny’s drum set…but the spat was over quickly and the 2 bonded by playing truth or dare, ran a sack race and built a pillow fort. Dan also helped Shanny set up his FaceBook profile. Another spat ended the night when Dan overruled Shanahan again…Dan always gets the top bunk.

4am-8am Sleep/Brainwashing

Shanahan tossed and turned with a case of the Johnny Rockets farts. Dan spent this time brainwashing Shanny into never reading page 14 of his contract (aka the Lavar page,) and always falling in love with every “sexy” pick the Danny likes. He also convinced Shanahan to think he has “total control” even though he never really will.

8am-9am Golf Cart Ride

Bright and early Dan took Shanny on a golf cart ride around the estate. Shanny tried to explain football terminology to Dan but spent 30 minutes going over “trips” and “traps.” Dan drove down to the river to say hello to Bruce and Vinny who were busy cutting down nuisance trees.

9am-11am Cartoons!

Another fight …over the remote control this time. Danny likes old school “Tom & Jerry” and “Thundercats,” while Shanny is more of a “Phineas and Ferb” guy.

11am-12pm Extreme Makeover

Dan’s stylist comes in to hook Shanny up for his big press conference. This process involves only one thing…which of these 1,000 burgundy and gold ties would you like to wear Mr. Shanahan?

12pm-2pm The New Digs

Helicopter ride over to Ashburn where Shanny settles into his new office. The office looks more like a prison wall from where Zorn has been counting down the days using hash marks. Jerry Gray had been “squatting” in the office for several days. While being removed he was heard muttering “they said they would get back to me.”

2pm Ladies & Gentlemen…You’re New Coach

Cheers and Hail

Meet Funny Danny…And His Plan To Fix The Redskins

By now you probably recognize Funny Danny as the guy who stars in the funny YouTube Redskin’s video on a weekly basis. The first time I saw his orginal video (above) I showed it to my wife and said “did you have a camera on me Sunday?” I wanted to learn more about Danny so the following interview gives you some background on Danny the fan, Danny the comedian and Danny the Redskins GM (I like his ideas.) You can follow Danny on Twitter…

FP) Being a fan of the Skins since you were 4, I’m assuming you’re from the DC-metro area…did you grow up in the area and how did you become a fan at such a young age?

FD) I did grow up in the area. I went to school in DC from Kindergarten all the way through college (I played baseball at GW). I love DC, even during those awkward overly-Republican years when all of a sudden, everyone is from the South and you’re weird if you’re not checking your blackberry. As for being a fan, it’s the normal story I guess. My dad is a Skins fan and some of my earliest memories were yelling when the grown-ups yelled at the TV. I barely knew what was going on but I knew it was the right thing to do.

FP) Do you get recognized in public as the guy who does the Redskins videos?

FD) It’s weird but yes, I have gotten recognized a few times. I was at an event a few weeks ago and this 45 year old guy from California was talking to a couple of other guys and he kept gesturing at me and I was kind of freaked out. He walks across the room towards me and I’m wondering if I insulted this guy’s wife at show once or something and he goes: ‘Excuse me, but do you do videos about the Redskins?’ It’s really neat. I get messages from fans all across the country.

FP) What spurred you to start doing the videos?

FD) I did my first one last year later in the season when we were going through that annual ‘if 97 things happen and we win out, we can sneak into the playoffs’ routine (above). I just knew that there were a ton of people out there who were doing the same thing I was doing. I have also wanted to blend comedy and sports my entire life and finally felt like I had an effective way to do that.

FP) You’re a comedian…have you worked the Redskins into your act and if so what are some of the jokes you use?

FD) I haven’t really done jokes about the Redskins. It’s hard because things change so much from week to week. By the time you write a joke about 2 guys named Sherman sharing a basement office, there is a new gong show to address. That’s where the weekly vids come in. Also, it’s hard to find a comedy audience who would get the jokes. Some hipster at a coffee shop show would look at me like I was a lunatic if I started talking about that face Zorn makes when he isn’t sure if he should challenge a call or not. That said, I think there might be a ‘Redskins Show’ in the DC area in the works which I think would be a fun way to celebrate the worst season of my lifetime.

FP) What impersonations do you do? Can we expect to see some impersonations incorporated into the vids?

FD) I do a lot of impersonations, thanks for asking. I counted 146 at one point and I’m working on an LL Cool J, so I hope to make it 147 soon. I think we’ll definitely see a few characters come up in the videos. It’s a fun way to keep them interesting and different.

FP) At heart you’re a true Skins fan…what are your fondest memories and favorite players of all-time?

FD) My favorite player of all time is Art Monk. It became official when he caught a pass in OT and took it to the residence to win the game. I still remember him setting the single season reception record and how happy that made me. Early on, I became a fan of the guys you could count on. I have always valued consistency above most other things in sports. Lots of guys have flashes but it’s the guys that do it every time that should be celebrated. That’s what Monk was to me. 3rd and 7? He got 8.

Lots of other great memories: being reduced to tears after the first quarter of the SB vs the Broncos before the greatest quarter in the history of pro sport changed everything, chanting along with the crowd ‘We Want Dallas’, Almost passing out from shouting when Darrell Green returned the punt for a TD vs the Bears, Lavar Arrington ending Troy Aikman, the bleachers at RFK shaking, and the dominance of the O-line on the ’91 SB team; I could watch them block running plays on repeat for the rest of my life.

FP) If you could have a past/present Redskin player guest star in one of your videos who would that be…what role would they play?

FD) Great question. I think I might grab Charles Mann and do a re-enactment of the ‘Hungry-Man Dinners’ ad or maybe I’d get Jeff Bostic and we’d do a ‘mustache growing montage’. The reality is, if I got any of the guys who were on the team when I was a kid, I’d only be able to stare at them. Maybe that would be the video? Just 2 minutes of me staring at Raleigh McKenzie and offering him a bowl of Lucky Charms at the end.

FP) Is your glass half full or half empty in regards to the Skins?

FD) It’s empty. Not even half empty. I poured it out and turned on the disposal. There is a cycle to the way pro teams are covered and I feel like that’s especially true in DC. We (the press and the fans more specifically) tend to forget the nonsense and get caught up in the way the team is covered. We read all these articles and see news stories about how hard _______ has worked in the off-season and how he really has embraced being a professional and on and on. What do we get? 1 reception for 6 yards from Malcolm Kelly. That is 6 yards for every 60,000 words I read about him.
I am not sure when it happened with me but I just stopped believing all the bullshit. I think the fans are finally fed up and you can see it and hear it everywhere. It’s sad when regular guys can see the problems from miles away and the people that are paid to see the problems seem oblivious. Who honestly was like: ‘yeah, this Adam Archuletta signing is a great idea’? Everyone knew it was a disaster from the start. We have all worked at places like this where the power structure is so cut off from reality that every move seems crazier than the next. There’s no balance in the organization. The emperor is stark naked and nobody can say a damned word. It’s happened in history tens of thousands of times, this is just the Washington Redskins turn to experience a little ‘then let them eat cake’.
We could go through the dozens of moves that have been indefensible; we could go through some of the shockingly mishandled events (the coaching process that got us Zorn is nothing short of an embarrassment. Snyderatto has made the head job toxic. Just like the Orioles GM job was something nobody wanted before MacPhail took over), or the indignities fans have suffered and it would add up to something amazing. I don’t forget that. It’s on my mind every Sunday when the Skins take the field. If you think about it, each win is almost bad for us because it empowers a structure that is destined to fail.

FP) You are the GM…what are you going to do between now and the 2010 training camp to fix the Skins?

FD) Wow. Thank you. I have a huge list:

I have more but this is getting long. I’ll just close by saying we’d sue everyone. Literally everyone in America.

FP) If the Skins ever win the Super Bowl again, will the videos die with a happy ending?

FD) Haha. I don’t know if they’ll die. I think happy can be funny too. I am not one of those people that thinks the only thing funny is misery. I think they’ll live on. Well, unless I have to get a regular job. That would probably kill the videos.

Cheers and Hail