Posts Tagged ‘arenas’

Jan 5-6: Happy Birthdays

Happy birthday Gilbert Arenas. Gilbert is playing (hopefully) his 7th season as a Washington Wizard. He is, and has been, my favorite basketball player during that time. Of course my favorite basketball player pulls a gun on his teammate and may find himself suspended for the season, or released outright from his contract…of course this happens with my favorite player. Gilbert needs more than my birthday wishes this year…he needs a good lawyer. Happy 28th Mr. Arenas.

Cheers and Hail

Giiiilbeeeert!

Gilbert’s back and so am I! Gilbert returned after several operations and a couple lost seasons…I’m returning after a long weekend in VA and several cases of beer.

The Wizards beat the Mavericks in Dallas last night in impressive fashion to start the 2009-10 season. Gilbert looked like his old self, driving thru the lane and drawing contact. Pulling up for open jumpers…and a super fast first step that got him around defenders all night long. All that amounted to 29 points and 9 assists! After several failed comeback attempts over the last 2 years, it appears Arenas is finally healthy. Arenas initially wanted to rehab his knee at his own pace with his own regimen. His personal choice for rehabbing his knee included riding his bike to a football field where he ran 40 yard dashes with a parachute strapped to his bank…weeks after one of his surgeries. Later he would bash the organization for them allowing Gilbert to push himself too fast…I guess they should have hired him a babysitter. But, that appears to be in the past and I’m glad to see my favorite NBA player healthy and back on the court.

And although it’s only the first game and maybe I’m just looking for something to be optimistic about with my Redskins playing so poorly…I think the Wizards can be a top 4 or 5 team in the East. Flip Saunders unveiled his rotation last night and it varied quite a bit from what we have seen in the past. Nick Young got a DNP-Coach’s Decision last night after playing in all 82 games last year and averaging over 22 minutes. Mike James also received a DNP and Javale McGee played less than a minute. Their replacements (Oberto, Miller & Foye) were 12-20 from the floor and 3-6 from 3 point land. Deshawn Stevenson played only 17 minutes (that’s a good thing) specifically in a defensive role…perfect. And if Andray Blanche is anything close to what he was last night (20pts 7rebs) that will be a tremendous boost for the Wizards.

Again, way too early to get overly excited but the Mavericks were 32-9 at home last year…that was an impressive win and performance for Gilbert and the Wizards last night. Let’s hope there’s more to come…

Cheers and Hail

Guys Night Out

You ever watch TV and say, “I’d like to have a beer with that guy.” Well I do too, and here’s my list for an ultimate night out with the boys. Yes…some of these guys are dead, so I guess its an “all-time” team. Which athlete would you want to hang out with for a night? I’d like to know, so leave your comments in the comment section, or email me @ [email protected] .

(photo courtesy of Sonders Photography)

Designated Driver - Gilbert Arenas
Donte Stallworth was begging for the keys, I’m out on that. Kurt Warner was an option here, but we’re going out to PAARTY. Not going to want to hear about God and all the sins we’re committing. Agent Zero loves to party and go clubbing, but doesn’t drink…perfect.

Bodyguard/Enforcer Guy - Andre The Giant
Several reasons why Andre is the man here. Billed @ 7’4″ and 550 lbs, I don’t think anyone will fuck with us. Andre also reportedly could drink 100 beers at 1 sitting! An added bonus, Andre could also carry 5 girls in his arms at a time.

Pretty Faced Wingmen - Derek Jeter (East Coast) Matt Leinart (West Coast)
Jeter has pulled more ass than a donkey farmer moving from Virgina to California. And his list is impressive, so he’ll be along to rake in the ladies. Leinart will have drunken sorority chicks lined up for us, as well as the Paris Hiltons and Lindsay Lohans of the world.

The Fun and Games Guy - Dale Earnhardt Jr.
If the club and party scene sucks, you can always resort to the grown ups getting drunk and acting like kids games. Little E has it all at his house. Nightclub, go kart track, saloon, and even a jail.

The Drinkers - John Daly, Mickey Mantle, John Riggins
Bringing along Daly means an obligatory stop at Hooters. Daly also is the most likely to end up in Earnhardts jail winner. Mantle’s drinking is legendary. In fact, anyone in sports whose ever had to get a liver transplant is invited out. Riggins is the guy most likely to run his mouth too much and require Andre to defuse a fight.

The Coach - Jimmy Johnson
With this many athletes on board, we got to have a coach. Pack some Heinekens and nachos, because the lip-smacker himself is our leader.

Cheers and Hail

 

 

 

 

E4three32: Please Don’t

Fatpickle’s note: Please welcome E4three32 as a regular contributor to Fatpickled. E is an aspiring screen writer (his first script is badass!) and CPA. He played college basketball (an astounding accomplishment coming from my family loins,) and brings his special brand of wit and humor to us. Welcome aboard E!

I’ve never been a big fan of letting a pro athlete KNOW that I KNOW who they are by actually telling them I KNOW who they are. Unless I’m attending an autograph signing or preseason camp I have no business trying to take a picture with them or reminiscing with them about a touchdown catch or “nuts in your face” dunk they had on SportsCenter’s Top 10 List.

That is why when I saw Gilbert Arenas at Chuckie Cheese I didn’t try to join him in a game of Wack-a-Mole or combine tickets to get the biggest prize (by the way when your Gilbert Arenas you don’t waste time trying to win tickets, you just pay absurd amounts of money to get what you want.) However, as he walked by me playing a basketball arcade game I did yell out “Hibachi” as I hit my shots on a game built for three-year olds. Now I don’t know if he looked back and laughed at me or if he was actually looking right through me and laughing at someone else, but I did feel as though he appreciated me not starting an autograph frenzy by yelling out “Agent Zero” at the top of my lungs while doing back-flips begging him to autograph my chest. That is why I have come up with this list of things not to do when seeing a professional athlete in public for all of you douches out there who act like the kid who Punk’d Dirk Nowitzki on a daily basis:

If they are eating, LEAVE them alone - there’s no doubt Dwight Howard wanted to pimp slap all of these people…except the one Asian girl across from them whom he wanted to lay the Superman pipe to

If you do try to take a picture with them, make sure you know who they are – I once watched a kid take a picture with Chris Samuels only to turn around and say thanks LaVar…come on you can’t mistake #60

Don’t ask them if they want to hangout later on at night just because they accept a drink from you at a bar – every athlete knows what happened in “Celtic Pride”

Don’t ever tell them they have a hot girlfriend/wife and then ask her name – “Hey man she’s hot, what’s her name so I can spank it to her later”

Unless the appearance is for autographs and pictures, don’t even try

If an athlete makes fun on you, don’t brag about it to other people like your cool – true story, an athlete once told me I had small equipment…I told other people to explain to them that it was a black man and obviously to him I seemed smaller but in a lacrosse locker room I’d be worshipped…but I didn’t tell them because it was the Phillies first baseman

No high-fives, hugs, or chest-bumps – a handshake could be acceptable

Don’t tell them about how you tattooed their number on your asscheek one night you got hammered

Don’t strike up a conversation in the bathroom

Don’t ever be the creepy guy in the background of a picture – you look happy, but they sure as hell don’t

And above all, if you are lucky enough to get a picture with a professional athlete, never put that picture up as your profile picture on Facebook or Myspace – everyone that knows you, knows you are not friends with them and chances are YOU NEVER WILL BE

Please read this list over and try not to act like a love-struck thirteen year old next time you see a professional athlete out.

Oh yeah, and hot girls…please disregard this list and remember everything here is even more acceptable when done topless!

Until NextTime,
E4three32

The Wizards Aren’t The Worst Team Ever

In a match up pitting 2 teams with the worst records ever to meet each other, the Wizards came away with a win. This brings the Wiz’s season record to 5-23, last in the Eastern Conference. Amazingly, they are only 7.5 games out of the final playoff spot. If they can play well enough until Gilbert Arena’s comes back, who knows, Playoffs? I don’t think so. My advice would be to bring back Arenas very slowly and start playing for ping-pong balls.
While we ponder how things got so bad, so fast, here are some highlights of the good old days.

Cheers and Hail