Archive for September, 2011

Brandon Banks Girlfriend(s) Seem Like A Lot Of Fun

First there was this . Now comes another play by play from Brandon Banks via his twitter account:

Props to Banks on the proper use of a semicolon, something I butcher on a regular basis here on this blog. I believe what Banks is describing is known in some circles as a 2 point conversion…you can look it up on urbandictionary.com if you enjoy dirty humor.

Cheers and Hail

Throwback Tuesday: Pinch Me

Every Tuesday Fatpickled will stroll down memory lane and re-post a blog from the past. This post originally debuted January 30, 2009.

I’m livin the dream, don’t wake me up

Sunday Jan 18, 2008
The Skins have just won a birth in the Super Bowl (against the Steelers) by defeating the Cardinals 27-21. I have texted, emailed, and called every person I have a way of contacting to discuss the game and the Super Bowl. I go on to say “Hail to the Redskins,” we’re going to the Super Bowl,” and “F-yeah” a thousand times this night. After everyone stops corresponding with me, I sit alone in my chair drinking a beer, reflecting upon my Skins. I am proud.

Monday Jan 19 - Monday Jan 26

The week was spent networking with all my contacts (I have none) to try and secure Super Bowl tickets. General Motors comes thru with 2 club seats to the big game (because it’s my dream, and in my dream the auto industry is rockin!) An executive who works for the NFL really likes my blog, and secures me a press pass for media day as well as the Gridiron Greats dinner. Try, try, try as I may, I cannot score Maxim party passes.

Tuesday Jan 27 - Media Day

I know I need to stand out, so I dress myself in a giant pickle costume. I have the word “FAT” painted across my pickle chest. Portis asks to borrow my costume for a future interview. I see the sportscaster George Michael, and tell him it’s good to see him again. He must not recognize me in my pickle costume. “George, I’m the guy who always tells you that you were awesome in Silence of the Lambs.” I ask some F’ed up questions to the Skins and Steelers, some are answered, others get me an inch away from getting my ass beat. I somehow talk Troy Polamalu into letting me cut off a lock of his hair.

Wednesday Jan 28 - Gridiron Greats

I’m here at the Hard Rock Casino with 100 of the greatest players of all time. I’m in awe, and this dinner is for an awesome cause. My pickle costume is put away, and my questions are honest and sincere. The dinner is buffet style, and as I approach the buffet, so is Michael Irvin. In one fluid motion, I nudge Irvin to the side, button hook, and while shielding him, grab a plate. Michael is so impressed by this “offensive pass interference,” he invites me to be on his reality show. I win and I must go to training camp with the Cowboys, where I show flashes of being a 35 yr old Tim Dwight. Ultimately I am cut, but not before I photocopy the playbook and turn it over to the Redskins.

Tim Brown, Fatpickle, Michael Irvin, Warren Moon, Ty Law

Thursday Jan 29 - Snooper Bowl/Maxim Party

My wife and I head over to the Snooper Bowl to watch Snoop coach. After the game I approach Snoop, who happens to be wearing a #43 Steelers Jersey.

FP: Hey Snoop

Snoop: What up cuz?

FP: I got a dime bag of Troy Polamalu’s hair.

Snoop: Fo shizzle? TP? That’s some good shit. How much?

FP: 2 tickets to the Maxim party.

Snoop: Done, you can roll with Snoop, Fatpickle my nizzle.

FP: Let’s get this thing crackin, bring your green hat.

Snoop, Fergie, Fatpickle

Skins Honor Cooley By Doing Nothing

Congrats Chris

“Chris Cooley is one of three current players on our history wall on the club level” he told us. “There is no doubt that this organization respects and admires Chris and his accomplishments. We’re going to make Sunday really special for him.”

This a quote from Redskins senior vice president Tony Wyllie this past week after the Redskins failed to properly acknowledge that Cooley had broken the Redskins all-time franchise record for career receptions by a tight end during week 1 of the 2011 season. I guess we can excuse the Redskins organization for overlooking one of the most popular players in franchise history breaking a record that was 80 years in the making, especially since they were going to make “Sunday really special for him”. So what big “special” ceremony or tribute did the Redskins do for Cooley in week 2? Nothing, absolutely nothing…the same kind of attention I got in week 2.

It’s one thing that the Redskins didn’t announce to the 80,000+ fans at FedEx Field (many of them wearing #47 jerseys) that Cooley had broken the record during the Giants game. The team only had 8 months and a lockout with nothing to do to prepare for it. What I have a problem with is the Redskins Senior VP telling the media that something “really special” was coming in week 2 and then not delivering. While some things seem to change…the more things stay the same.

I understand that it’s a team game and individual statistics come second. I also realize that Cooley is slowly working his way back from a knee injury and that Fred Davis is playing at a high level. But, breaking a record that no other player has matched in 80 years deserves to be acknowledged…especially when YOU ANNOUNCE TO THE PUBLIC THAT YOU’RE GOING TO HONOR IT.

It’s not just Cooley that the Redskins failed to recognize for reaching a career milestone…Santana Moss caught his 600th reception against the Cardinals without any recognition from the Redskins. Moss is also one of 3 current Redskins depicted on the Redskins history wall on the club level.

Cheers and Hail

Redskins/Cardinals Random Thoughts

Yesterdays game was a game the Redskins of recent years would have found a way to lose, this team found a way to win.

Credit where credit is due. Mike Shanahan has this team playing with confidence and the team looks well prepared each week. Again, this is something that I haven’t seen in recent years. I’ve been a huge Shanahan basher since his hiring and I’m not completely signing off on my approval of him, but similar to his players…he’s got me believing.

Credit where credit is due. Bruce Allen is not just a Snyder puppet who’s main job is to make the Redskins look good to the fans and maintain positive relations with former players (although he’s doing a great job with that). The seemingly meaningless trades of Vonnie Holliday for Tim Hightower and Jeremy Jarmon for Jabar Gaffney are paying huge dividends.

Speaking of Allen and his positive relations with fans and former players. I saw many ex-Redskins on the sidelines of the 2 games so far this year and Allen made an appearance at the ES tailgate yesterday. Props to Bruce.

Speaking of happy tailgating. Yesterday’s win marked only the 2nd time in the last 5 years the Redskins have won back to back games (in consecutive weeks) at FedEx Field. The other time was Weeks 2&3 during the 2008 season.

Fred Davis is always open. I mean, like way open. There never seems to be a defender within 3 yards of him each time a pass is thrown his way.

Huge “man crush” developing on Ryan Kerrigan. The concern with him was supposed to be his pass coverage abilities. Thru 2 games he has 3 passes defended and an interception return for a TD. Added a sack yesterday and always seems to be around the ball.

I don’t feel comfortable with Graham Gano kicking from any distance. I was preparing myself for the worst when he lined up for the 34 yarder to put us ahead. I guess he’s a semi-weapon on kickoffs with his ability to kick out of the end zone but I’d love to see the Redskins sign a veteran kicker.

Sucks to get hurt doesn’t it Ryan Torain? Barring injuries Torain is now just an afterthought, when he played well as a starter last season.

Nice game Roy Helu, 8.6 yards per touch. He’s the perfect 1-cut back for this offense. Of course Hightower is and should be the starter. Hightower’s only averaging 3.7 yards per rush but he’s been close to breaking a couple long ones and a long one is coming soon.

Another week, another long pass play given up on a double move. I’m sure there are times when the Redskins secondary doesn’t bite on those, right?

A big play was left on the field on an early screen play to Donte Stallworth. He had a wall of three blockers and green in front of him but the timing of the play was way off for some reason.

Santana Moss = steady professional WR.

Brandon Banks is a difference maker. Shanny was burning timeouts like crazy at the end of the first half just to give Banks a return opportunity. The guy has a legit chance to take it to the house each time he touches the ball. Over 18 yards per punt return on 4 returns? That shift in field position is huge! Ask Bill Parcels, he’s written articles about how shifts in field position can win or lose games for you.

Chris Cooley has a lot of football left in him.

Yes, I do want Dallas!

Cheers and Hail

Look, It’s Billy Bob Thornton Part X

Everytime I looked at Rex Grossman last Sunday I saw Jack Black…am I wrong?

Rex Grossman

Jack Black

Cheers and Hail

Throwback Tuesday: Coping With A Redskins Loss

Every Tuesday Fatpickled will stroll down memory lane and re-post a blog from the past. This post originaly appeared at The Cooley Zone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Redskins lost to the Giants…I know it sucks, I feel your pain. But, it was the 1st game of the season, it was the Giants and it was in New York. Sure it would be nice to get a win there, but 1 game does not make a season. As a fan that can remember games back to the 81’ season, I’ve suffered thru 213 losses…that’s a lifetime of heartbreak. However, the key is learning how to deal with the loss and recognizing certain symptoms that come from the losing. You may be suffering from some of the conditions that I’m going to discuss in this post…the first step is admitting you have the problem. Ladies and gentleman, the stages of a Redskin’s loss.

DAY 1 (Game day)

Disbelief – During this stage you take a few moments to review your thoughts. You say things like “we didn’t just lose, did we?” “WTF happened on that WR option play with Randle El?” “Are we really the only team in the division without a win?”

Anger – Oh yeah, your pissed now. You text, email or call everyone in your cell phone that will listen to you, even the ones who won’t listen to you! You say things you really don’t mean, things like “Portis is over the hill, put in Mason” or “F Campbell, sign Garcia or Jeff George” and “We’ll never win under Zorn, I want Shanahan.”
Your wife/girlfriend asks you “what do you care it’s only a football game” you reply something really stupid like “I’ve loved them longer than I’ve loved you.” This will haunt you a lot longer than the loss to the Giants!

Numbness – After you’ve gone thru your Rolodex and contacted everyone you can, you sit in your Lazy-boy and drink and eat everything in the house. You barely speak, in fact you’re only forms of communications at this point are mumbling and grunting (maybe an occasional fart, your wife/girlfriend is really happy with you at this point.) The day ends with you passing out in your lucky jersey (which is no longer lucky) and your wife’s diary looks like this.

Day 2 (The day after)

Game Hangover – You wake up, groggy and trying to collect your bearings…and hoping the day before never happened. You get on the Internet and confirm that yes, the Skins lost! At this point it’s time to take your thoughts to the mainstream media, I mean all your friends have already heard your BS…let’s post it on the internet message boards and call sports talk radio shows! At the Cooley Zone you say something like “Chris, here’s my email address, tell Zorn to call me…his play calling sucks!” or you call Lavar and Dukes to say “the Skins will go 6-10, it’s time to start planning for 2010.”

Day 3

Rest – On day 3, you rest. You re-watch the game…but you’re not angry. You cuddle with your wife, you watch some Housewives show on A&E.

Day 4

Coming out of the fog - The Dallas fan at work greets you in the morning with a jab about the Skins, without thinking you tell him to go F himself. You start rambling on about how we were a couple plays away from beating the Giants in New York and how we’re gonna sweep the Cowgirls. You sit at your desk and you feel…peace.

Drinking the Kool-Aid – You look at the remaining schedule and all of the sudden…the Skins are going to go 15-1. You start texting, calling and emailing your friends and say things like “I think Portis is going to to rush for 150 this week” and “JC’s going to have a Pro Bowl year, just wait and see!” It’s time to go mainstream again so you head back to the Cooley’s message board “Zorn’s going to be the Coach of the Year” you call L&D “the Skins will win the Super Bowl this year with a last second option pass…Randle El to Cooley.”

Day 5

On day 5 you go back to your normal self, and I guess what I’m trying to say to everyone is…just pretend like it’s day 5. Don’t get too high when we rip off 4-5 wins in a row and don’t bash the team after this loss. The Skins played hard and it was a tough situation that they went into. I’m a diehard and I’m sure you are too, let’s support the team and move forward. I mean…I looked at the schedule, I don’t think we’re going to have to deal with another loss this season.