Throwback Tuesday

Throwback Tuesday: Pinch Me

Every Tuesday Fatpickled will stroll down memory lane and re-post a blog from the past. This post originally debuted January 30, 2009.

I’m livin the dream, don’t wake me up

Sunday Jan 18, 2008
The Skins have just won a birth in the Super Bowl (against the Steelers) by defeating the Cardinals 27-21. I have texted, emailed, and called every person I have a way of contacting to discuss the game and the Super Bowl. I go on to say “Hail to the Redskins,” we’re going to the Super Bowl,” and “F-yeah” a thousand times this night. After everyone stops corresponding with me, I sit alone in my chair drinking a beer, reflecting upon my Skins. I am proud.

Monday Jan 19 - Monday Jan 26

The week was spent networking with all my contacts (I have none) to try and secure Super Bowl tickets. General Motors comes thru with 2 club seats to the big game (because it’s my dream, and in my dream the auto industry is rockin!) An executive who works for the NFL really likes my blog, and secures me a press pass for media day as well as the Gridiron Greats dinner. Try, try, try as I may, I cannot score Maxim party passes.

Tuesday Jan 27 - Media Day

I know I need to stand out, so I dress myself in a giant pickle costume. I have the word “FAT” painted across my pickle chest. Portis asks to borrow my costume for a future interview. I see the sportscaster George Michael, and tell him it’s good to see him again. He must not recognize me in my pickle costume. “George, I’m the guy who always tells you that you were awesome in Silence of the Lambs.” I ask some F’ed up questions to the Skins and Steelers, some are answered, others get me an inch away from getting my ass beat. I somehow talk Troy Polamalu into letting me cut off a lock of his hair.

Wednesday Jan 28 - Gridiron Greats

I’m here at the Hard Rock Casino with 100 of the greatest players of all time. I’m in awe, and this dinner is for an awesome cause. My pickle costume is put away, and my questions are honest and sincere. The dinner is buffet style, and as I approach the buffet, so is Michael Irvin. In one fluid motion, I nudge Irvin to the side, button hook, and while shielding him, grab a plate. Michael is so impressed by this “offensive pass interference,” he invites me to be on his reality show. I win and I must go to training camp with the Cowboys, where I show flashes of being a 35 yr old Tim Dwight. Ultimately I am cut, but not before I photocopy the playbook and turn it over to the Redskins.

Tim Brown, Fatpickle, Michael Irvin, Warren Moon, Ty Law

Thursday Jan 29 - Snooper Bowl/Maxim Party

My wife and I head over to the Snooper Bowl to watch Snoop coach. After the game I approach Snoop, who happens to be wearing a #43 Steelers Jersey.

FP: Hey Snoop

Snoop: What up cuz?

FP: I got a dime bag of Troy Polamalu’s hair.

Snoop: Fo shizzle? TP? That’s some good shit. How much?

FP: 2 tickets to the Maxim party.

Snoop: Done, you can roll with Snoop, Fatpickle my nizzle.

FP: Let’s get this thing crackin, bring your green hat.

Snoop, Fergie, Fatpickle

Throwback Tuesday: Coping With A Redskins Loss

Every Tuesday Fatpickled will stroll down memory lane and re-post a blog from the past. This post originaly appeared at The Cooley Zone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the Redskins lost to the Giants…I know it sucks, I feel your pain. But, it was the 1st game of the season, it was the Giants and it was in New York. Sure it would be nice to get a win there, but 1 game does not make a season. As a fan that can remember games back to the 81’ season, I’ve suffered thru 213 losses…that’s a lifetime of heartbreak. However, the key is learning how to deal with the loss and recognizing certain symptoms that come from the losing. You may be suffering from some of the conditions that I’m going to discuss in this post…the first step is admitting you have the problem. Ladies and gentleman, the stages of a Redskin’s loss.

DAY 1 (Game day)

Disbelief – During this stage you take a few moments to review your thoughts. You say things like “we didn’t just lose, did we?” “WTF happened on that WR option play with Randle El?” “Are we really the only team in the division without a win?”

Anger – Oh yeah, your pissed now. You text, email or call everyone in your cell phone that will listen to you, even the ones who won’t listen to you! You say things you really don’t mean, things like “Portis is over the hill, put in Mason” or “F Campbell, sign Garcia or Jeff George” and “We’ll never win under Zorn, I want Shanahan.”
Your wife/girlfriend asks you “what do you care it’s only a football game” you reply something really stupid like “I’ve loved them longer than I’ve loved you.” This will haunt you a lot longer than the loss to the Giants!

Numbness – After you’ve gone thru your Rolodex and contacted everyone you can, you sit in your Lazy-boy and drink and eat everything in the house. You barely speak, in fact you’re only forms of communications at this point are mumbling and grunting (maybe an occasional fart, your wife/girlfriend is really happy with you at this point.) The day ends with you passing out in your lucky jersey (which is no longer lucky) and your wife’s diary looks like this.

Day 2 (The day after)

Game Hangover – You wake up, groggy and trying to collect your bearings…and hoping the day before never happened. You get on the Internet and confirm that yes, the Skins lost! At this point it’s time to take your thoughts to the mainstream media, I mean all your friends have already heard your BS…let’s post it on the internet message boards and call sports talk radio shows! At the Cooley Zone you say something like “Chris, here’s my email address, tell Zorn to call me…his play calling sucks!” or you call Lavar and Dukes to say “the Skins will go 6-10, it’s time to start planning for 2010.”

Day 3

Rest – On day 3, you rest. You re-watch the game…but you’re not angry. You cuddle with your wife, you watch some Housewives show on A&E.

Day 4

Coming out of the fog - The Dallas fan at work greets you in the morning with a jab about the Skins, without thinking you tell him to go F himself. You start rambling on about how we were a couple plays away from beating the Giants in New York and how we’re gonna sweep the Cowgirls. You sit at your desk and you feel…peace.

Drinking the Kool-Aid – You look at the remaining schedule and all of the sudden…the Skins are going to go 15-1. You start texting, calling and emailing your friends and say things like “I think Portis is going to to rush for 150 this week” and “JC’s going to have a Pro Bowl year, just wait and see!” It’s time to go mainstream again so you head back to the Cooley’s message board “Zorn’s going to be the Coach of the Year” you call L&D “the Skins will win the Super Bowl this year with a last second option pass…Randle El to Cooley.”

Day 5

On day 5 you go back to your normal self, and I guess what I’m trying to say to everyone is…just pretend like it’s day 5. Don’t get too high when we rip off 4-5 wins in a row and don’t bash the team after this loss. The Skins played hard and it was a tough situation that they went into. I’m a diehard and I’m sure you are too, let’s support the team and move forward. I mean…I looked at the schedule, I don’t think we’re going to have to deal with another loss this season.

Throwback Tuesday: The Last Word In Big D

Every Tuesday Fatpickled will stroll down memory lane and re-post a blog from the past. Why not start where it all began…with my very first post ever. Wow, was I drinking the kool-aid!

This post originally debuted on Sept 29, 2008.

The Skins went into Dallas this weekend as 11 point underdogs. No one in the media predicted any upsets, and to be honest, even the most die hard fans did not predict a W. But, this Redskins team is good, and they showed how good they are by dominating this game. Do not let the final score fool you, the Redskins dominated in all phases of the game, and proved to everyone that they are a force to be reckoned with.

Who would have thought that the Redskins would out coach the Cowboys? Jim Zorn came out with a great game plan, and his play calling was awesome. For the first time in 4 years, I have no idea what the Redskins are going to do on offense. During Gibbs 2, I could guess the next play 75% of the time. On the other hand, the Cowboys ran the ball only 8 times to Barber, and Felix Jones got ZERO carries. The Cowboys also had a crucial penalty, having 12 men on the field. This happened after a timeout! That’s COACHING! And you can tell that the coaches listened to TO’s whining. They tried to force the ball into his hands, and it just was not there.

I have to give props to the defense, excellent game. Portis ran strong, Cooley blocked hard, Tana is amazing, and JC is playing at an unbelievable level. Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Lets take care of business this week in Philly, and show everyone why this team is not only good, it is special! We play physical, we win!