Author Archive

JT: Monday is now the worst day of the week.

Skins fans used to be much happier

I know this is a shocker, but Monday has somehow turned out to the be the worst day of the week. For years we’ve all hated Tuesday, Thursday, and the dreaded Wednesday, but now we all have Monday to fear. This is mainly because Monday is now the day we all have to return to work, school, and social circles and undergo the brutal and ceaseless torment from our coworkers, classmates, and friends who are fans of teams other than the Redskins. Even Lions fans are talking smack. Its merciless.

To quote a longstanding rival of mine and Eagles fan, “Its not even fun to make fun of the Skins anymore. You guys can’t even talk shit back.”…..I don’t know if the losing is more painful, or having mercy granted on you by someone you told only 2 months prior that their team sucked and Haynesworth would grind McNabb’s bones to bake his bread. This is bad news bears.

As painful as Monday is turning out to be its not as painful as being at the games these days. So far I’ve made it to each home game and each time I’ve come home with a wicked hangover (that would happen anyway) and heartburn, or in this weekends instance I came home weeping.

So considering the tourment we’re all going through its hard for me to feel sorry for the players because we boo them at home, or because they lose, or because they “don’t know what’s going wrong”. Look: I go to the games, I cheer, I boo, and I will continue to do so regardless of the situation. I’ll take my ribbings from my friends and I’ll rub it in when they’re good again. We all do this because we’re fans. Booing or cheering doesn’t matter to me, what matters is that I’m there and I care.

If my child sucks at piano I’ll tell her so, but I’ll still go to the recital and deal with the awkward “its OK” glances from other parents and kids. In the same way I’ll boo my favorite football team when they’re god awful, but I’ll be there for them anyway. To me there is no reason to sugar coat this thing. I take my lumps with pride. We Redskins fans demand better play from our team, but we don’t make excuses for them (unlike Ravens fans who always blame the refs for a loss). Yes they’re bad, but they’ll turn it around, and we’ll be here until the end.

JT: 1,000,000 vs. 7

How many years have we all been Redskins fans? 5? 10? 20? 50?! We’ve all got a different answer, and there are a million different answers. We’ve all sung “Hail to the Redskins!” at the top of our lungs at one time or another (and we’ve all shouted “Deadskins!” at the TV at one time or another as well…like this past weekend when the offense couldn’t move the ball!) and not once did we root for our team or shout our praise of them in ANY racial context. So why is it that SEVEN ignorant fools contend to brand us all racists and bigots simply for loving our team?

The name “Redskins” is offensive? Really?! Of all the things in all the world this they find offensive? What about the name “Sooners” (a term to describe settlers who landed in Oklahoma’s Indian reservations prior to President Cleveland’s approval…so basically its a term that refers to people as vagrants and squatters) or just the term “Indians” which is derived from the original European settlers believing they were in the Indies and just branding whatever people they found the people of that region without any regard to how they already identified themselves. ARGH!

And what about the logos? The Washington Redskins represent a proud and strong heratige with a commanding and proud logo. What about the Cleveland Indians baseball team? You’d be hard pressed to find such an offensive logo anywhere else in professional sports!

I mean the guy in this logo is all but smoking a cigar, drinking “fire water” and saying “HOW!” So don’t feed me this B.S. about the Redskins being derogatory without listing EVERYTHING ELSE out there the same way. The Indians aren’t even a good team (historically speaking….I’m well aware that they’re far better than the O’s and have been for the past 12 years at least). Exhibit B (the respectful and proud logo):

HAIL!

In the end its just a game, and its just a name, so back off! Nobody is complaining about the Detroit Lions being an inflammatory name when clearly they’re more like kittens! Nobody is complaining about the Orioles being offensive when they’re clearly Pigeons! I have to put my faith in justice and hope for the proper turn out of this lawsuit. I could not imagine “Hailing” anything else but the Redskins….even if the offense stinks and they overpay a DT who can’t explode through double coverage fast enough.

RevJT: Football And New Tech

The Twitterverse is all a Twitter about Tweets these days. Just writing that sentence has made my nose bleed, but it’s true! Even CNN is getting in on the Twitter craze (just look at how they’ve covered Michael Jackson and Iran lately) and NFL players are no exception. But it isn’t just Twitter that has this season hyped to be the tec-mo super bowl year of the century!

As soon as I got into Twitter I immediately saw how one day Chad Ochocinco would be tweeting from the end zone. I mean he’s gotta one-up Joe Horn…I mean he was only on a cell phone so naturally Ochocinco has to rock some sort of awesome tech to earn his fines this year. But while we read about how various players feel about Vick’s return, @DHall23 and his new site, and Chris Cooley’s burned horse there are far more tools out there to help us, the common fan, get in touch with not just the players but the game itself. Lets take a quick look at some of these new techs including Twitter:

• ESPN.com and fantasy football: Fantasy football has come a long way since we all sat huddled around someone with a spreadsheet application or a white board drinking PBR and making fun of each other’s mothers. Now there is a vast landscape of draft tools, mock draft applications, and “cheat sheets”. Preparing for a fantasy draft is now like scouting. Seriously it borderlines on not even being fun sometimes…but only sometimes. If you head over to ESPN.com’s fantasy sports page you can get a listing of every players ratings according to ESPN’s experts and even a whole “Draft Kit” page that can break down each team individually.
• Madden 10: I’ve been playing Madden games for many, many years. Now back in the day I was a Tecmo Bowl user (can you tell by the reference?) but as soon as Madden hit the PS2 I was hooked. This year’s version of the game might be the best yet! There are all kinds of things you can do BESIDES play fake football. You can adjust your teams budgets and buy video kiosks for your fake stadiums! Even without the lifelike tedium of program management the football game play is incredibly realistic and if you simulate a season or two you might just get a feel for how the Skins may fare this year.
• Twitter: And here is the Twitter. Have you ever wondered what an NFL player does after a game? WONDER NO MORE! Now you can see how a populace revolts against their oppressive government (Iran) AND you can see how frequently a player watches cable programming. For those who doubt the insightful nature of Twitter I’ll repeat an earlier claim: CNN uses it as a reference.
• Mobile content: I just got myself a Palm Pre. At the risk of this posting reading like one big ad I must say it is a killer device. Part of the Pre’s awesomeness comes from Sprint TV which comes loaded on it. Sprint TV allows you to stream certain content from providers. One of these providers is none other than the NFL Network. Today I watched video of a young Brett Favre (3 teams ago) running away from a rabid squirrel on the football field. This video invoked two reactions from me 1.) How did Favre get the toughness to survive so many consecutive games when he was running from a squirrel like a little girl with a skinned knee? 2.) I can literally get a football fix whenever and wherever I want. Now I watched this on my small mobile device while sitting directly in front of my big screen TV which had a REAL game (Ravens vs. Jets) but that just goes to show you that this year, more so than any other year, anything you could possibly want from the National Football League is right there at your beckon call.

It is only the second week of the pre-season and I’m already knee deep in player tweets, fantasy scouting reports, simulated season results, and squirrel fearing Favres. There is so much content out there that you’ll forget stuff you used to know. I used to be upset that the O’s are on their way to their 12th loosing season in a row…but now I’m surrounded by the NFL. Is it any wonder that its the largest league in the nation? Is it any wonder that we’re all already ready for some football? #HTTR!!!!

JT: Trembley’s plan: Pursue Craig T. Nelson’s Gold’s Mother

“So are you an Orioles fan?”

“Yeah, I sure am. Its not easy, but I’m a fan. What gave that away, the shirt or the hat?”

…”I’ve got a funny story for you. Take your shirt off and hop up on the table.”

“OK”

“…deep breath….now let it out…good. Anyway; so, my mother is a big Orioles fan too, right? Well I mean she’s a big fan. Watches every game, calls me many times a week to discuss those games. I mean she’ll remember every pitching change and have something to say about it.”

“That’s a pretty dedicated fan.”

“That’s what I’m saying. Ok hop off the table. So she knows some people over at the O’s organization, right? So somehow she gets hold of Dave Trembley’s email address and sends him some email. It wasn’t fan mail exactly, she sent him what she thought of various decisions he’s been making, the losing, etc.”

“That’s awesome!”

“That’s not all. Alright follow my finger with your eyes…Good. I’m going to check your ears. So she emails Trembley a few times and he responds and there is some back and forth and then Trembley invites her to lunch! So here is my mother, a little old lady, meeting with the manager of a major sports franchise for lunch. Hahaha, and she let him know what she thought in person at that lunch..hahaha.”

“That’s amazing! Say doc, I’ve got this rash on my back is there anything you can do for that?”

“Yeah, I’ll give you the name of a good dermatologist, no problem. So they have lunch once and it goes well and she walks him back to the stadium afterwards, telling him how to run the team the whole way back from the restaurant. Apparently he values her opinion and likes her company because he’s taken her out a few more times since then and has really taken an interest into what she thinks. Pretty cool.”

“That is pretty cool. I would love to give him some of my ideas sometimes…”

“Yeah, my mom is a pretty neat lady. Alright drop trow…” *SNAP* “OK, turn your head an cough.”

“Ah-hem…alright we done?”

“Yeah, we’re done. Go ahead and get dressed and meet me in my office.”

“Alright, thanks Dr. Craig T. Nelson’s Gold”

That was a paraphrased transcript of a recent trip of mine to the doctor’s office. Aside from my rash there was a pretty interesting story in there…Trembley listens to the elderly!!! If I thought the elderly knew how to use computers I would never write this article but I know they can’t read Internet so I will write my concerns and criticism of Trembley for this blunder in managerial tactics.

It’s not that I’m anti-elderly, it’s just that the elderly don’t understand the steroid laden and loosing mentality of the Orioles baseball culture. They’ll give Trembley “good” advice that “works” in game situations without giving any regard to ‘roid rage, egomaniac behaviorism’s, or how to speak to Greg Zahn in grunts and moans (I wouldn’t say that about Zahn if he wasn’t a senior citizen…but because he is I know he doesn’t know how to use the Internets).

Now Dr. Craig T. Nelson’s Gold (his name has been changed to protect me from a liable suit, or any claim to being a good reporter) didn’t divulge the nitty gritty about what advice his mother is giving Mr. Trembley, and my bid to have his mother email me to talk about this story hasn’t come to fruition. I would bet the majority of her advice involves having the players ingesting more Metamucil and Fibercon (…and maybe the occasional sacrifice play to get more players into scoring position so they can actually SCORE WHEN THEY GET ON BASE!!!). Mr. Trembley may have won a few minor league championships but he’ll never win in the big leagues unless he starts listening to a younger brand of adviser. The younger the better. With food the way it is these days us young people are infused with the very chemicals needed to fully understand the irrational behavior of major league ball players and how to inspire them to aspire to greatness. I’d feel much better thinking that Trembley takes the time to listen to some punk kid straight out of high school with a know-it-all devil-may-care attitude than someone from the “Greatest Generation”. Shame on you for listening to older and wiser people Dave Trembley, shame on you…

…Ok so most of those opinions were sarcastic. In all seriousness I think it’s truly awesome that Mr. Trembley takes some time out of the week every so often to speak with this woman. It shows he cares not only about his job, but how the fans perceive his team. It shows he’s willing to listen to any good suggestion, wherever it comes from. The O’s still have a long way to go before they’re a contender again, but they’ve got the pieces in place to make a Tampa style run at some point in the foreseeable future, and I hope a humble and caring manager-who looks like William Shatner-like Trembley sticks around to see them make that run. Kudos Mr. Shatner, I mean Trembley, kudos.

Hello Fatpickled!

Fatpickle’s note: Please welcome JT as a regular contributor to Fatpickled.

Hello, my name is Jason Anton and I am an Orioles fan, Redskins fan, Terps fan….and Miami Heat fan…and I am the newest contributor to the Fatpickled blog! Now before you notice my Miami Heat comment and ostracize me, cast me aside, and mail me the severed head of a random animal please hear me out and understand where I’m coming from.

I grew up in Ocean City, Maryland. A place familiar to many mid-Atlantic regionals as an easy vacation spot and middle ground for ‘Skins, Steelers, Eagles, 76er’s, Wizards, Phillies, and Orioles fans considering it’s pretty close to Philly, DC, and Baltimore (and for some reason there are Steelers fans in EVERY city on the planet…and they always come complete with their own bar of some kind. In OC it’s the Salty Dog Saloon). This alone gives me the right to be an Orioles fan and Redskins fan (the Heat justification will come) but that’s not all that ties me to these teams and vindicates my fandom! See I was born in 1983. Not only did the Redskins win the Super Bowl in ’83 (for the ’82 season) with a heroic performance from Riggins, but the Orioles won the World Series AND Cal Ripken Jr. won the AL MVP award that year.

Speaking of the ‘Skins ’82 season Super Bowl victory, I was there! Now I didn’t have great seats, and I couldn’t actually see the game because my eye sockets hadn’t fully developed yet, but I did eat the nachos…if you follow me. I was born in June. My parents got me a pin to commemorate my attendance that I still have.

Now, my geographic justification and my chronological justification should be enough to qualify me as a blogger on the subject of ‘Skins and O’s. I have been a fan, since birth, of both teams. One of my earliest memories is meeting Boog Powell and it inspired me to be a sub-par 1st baseman throughout my little league career until it was discovered that I threw a wicked side-armed fastball (and then I became a sub-par pitcher). Thanksgiving for my family has always consisted of 2 traditions outside of the food: 1-We watch the original Star Wars trilogy 2-We root for whomever isn’t the Cowboys in the Thanksgiving Day game no matter who it is. I am a diehard lifelong fan and that’s all I bring to the table.

I plan on delivering to you, the loyal Fatpickled RSS subscribers, my insights into all things O’s and ‘Skins. Everything from the great potential of the Orioles outfielders, to how comfortable my wife finds the sweatpants she bought off of Chris Cooley’s website. I don’t do “investigative reporting” because I’m not a fan of “facts.” It’s a lot easier to just make everything up and I think everyone will have a lot more fun that way…just kidding.

Alright this post is getting long so I’ll wrap up. I lived in Florida for a couple of years and that’s where I became a Heat fan. They won the Championship while I was down there and I got swept up in the fever of it all. Also, all anyone ever talks about in Florida is the Gators and ‘Nols. To which I could ever say is: FEAR THE TURTLE! and HAIL!

Here is a picture of my daughter in a LaRon Landry jersey: